"don't take the candy" || wolf & wolf || 1983

Gosh, where to even begin with today's track?

To say that this song is bizarre would be the litote to end all litotes. It would be like saying that Warheads are "a little sour," or that Brokeback Mountain is "a little gay."

Get it? The song is effing peculiar.

The story is that of a young girl from Idaho who moves to L.A. to become a star, but soon finds herself the victim of a "candy uncle," who's offered her candy that just "ain't sweet." The singer apparently tried to warn the girl about the infamous L.A. Candy Uncles, but said warnings went unheeded and the girl shall never again roam the potato pastures of Idaho.

"Don't take the candy from the uncle in the street." Okay, I can do that. But wait, what uncle are we talking about here? Does she mean bad agents? Bad lawyers? Porno directors? Pedophiles?!

And what became of our young actress? Is she just a failed actress? A waitress? A porn star? (read: A failed actress.) Is she dead?

The thing that makes the song so creepy is its open-endedness. It would appear that not even the singer is sure what happened to the girl.

Believe me, at first listen, this song is ridiculous. But if you give it a chance, it is actually a pretty interesting story, and one that's no doubt happened millions of times to young ladies with Hollywood aspirations. The bizarre way in which the tale is told is what really makes this track unique.

Listen to it here.